i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How's work?
Spinning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
