My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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