Yo dont text me then not text me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
