Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
