Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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