Porn is love you can see.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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