You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
