Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So. Much. Porn.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
