Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
