I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
