Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
