I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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