Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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