hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
