lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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