At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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