I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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