Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
