I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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