His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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