Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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