I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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