At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
