we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
