Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
