walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
