I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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