there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
