He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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