fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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