my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
