i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
