I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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