You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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