my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
