I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
