So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
