those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
