I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
