I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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