So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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