hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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