i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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