hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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