I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
