My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
