i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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