Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
