Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
