Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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