I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize