just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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