He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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