my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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