TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
