Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
