the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize