I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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