Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
