i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize