Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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