There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
