I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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