i don't like sucking hair
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
