Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
