I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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