i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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